dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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