so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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