idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
