just come out here and I will go home with you...
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
