I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
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