So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
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Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
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Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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