She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
