So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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