If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
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WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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