It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
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8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
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The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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