Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
