what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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