It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
