i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
