i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
