she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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