I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
