honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My feet surprised me
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