I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
