Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
