Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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