Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
