if you like me you must not know who I am
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
