Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
