I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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