"it" just moved
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
