Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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