ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
