ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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