Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
