dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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