I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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