this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
