he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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