So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
