Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
