one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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