I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
