just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
