I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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