I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
