you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
