He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I looked at my own cervix.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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