Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
