Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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