Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm too high and old for this...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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