Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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