Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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