I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize
