to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
