Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
