OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
