Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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