Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
