then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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