help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i think i have two assholes
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
