there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
porn star boner night. come get it.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
