I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
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I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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