Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I FOUND THE LEGS
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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