i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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