end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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