Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
